I've Been Thinking...

Sorry it's been a few weeks since i've posted! 
I've been capable of doing alot more recently, but been suffering with brain fog! So I thought it was best to not post, as i probably wouldn't of made any sense. 
But i've started to write a few back up posts, so when i'm not feeling well enough to write, i'll already have one saved that i can post for you!

So as 2015 is approaching fast, I started thinking of what i've accomplished this year. 
Even though i've had POTS for a few years, I was only diagnosed in January, and the majority of my year has been very difficult learning how to cope with it. I found that small things have been really hard for me to do this year in comparison to the last few years, i've found even the smallest things like going for coffee with friends difficult, some days i even found sitting up in bed difficult. Which made me realise that I haven't really accomplished anything this year - wait, let me rephrase that, I haven't accomplished anything that i had planned too accomplish. 
I was hoping to be working full-time this year, but instead i had to give up work completely, I also planned to visit my family in Holland, but i can barely travel to town, let alone a different country!

But then i really got thinking, and i may not have accomplished what i thought i would of accomplished, but it doesn't mean this year was a waste of a year! 
I've learnt alot, i've learnt (and i'm still learning) how to cope with this illness, I've learnt not to take the simple things for granted. And because it's really hard to plan for the future, whether its in 2 years time or even a few days time, i've learnt to live in the moment, and really make the most of the moment.
I've also come to terms with the fact that for me, small accomplishments are big ones, and i shouldn't kick myself for failing to do something, as long as i get back up and try and do it again another day. 

I feel that because things are becoming clear mentally, it's actually helping me physically, as whenever i have a bad day, i don't let it get me down, because i know a good day is on the horizon.
The week during my symptom diary was actually one of the worst weeks i've had in a while, but this week has been one of the best! 
I try not to have expectations on my day, so i don't get disappointed, and it's really helped.
Even when i was feeling okay, i used to constantly worry about when my symptoms could get bad, and stop myself from doing anything incase it made me feel ill. Whereas now I try to make the most of feeling okay, and deal with my symptoms when they come. 
I think thats what will help me in the future, i can actually start living, instead of constantly wasting my good days over thinking and worrying about feeling unwell. 

I'm slowly starting to build up my strength and stamina. I used to enjoy long walks as i live in the country. But since having POTS i've really struggled walking, as i get so tired easily, But i've started going for short walks again with my mum, hoping to go a little bit further every time, and today i nearly managed a mile! It was such a beautiful walk, and as i've not been outside as much as i would of liked to this year, I find i appreciate my surroundings so much more now.

I'm still trying to find the right balance between pushing myself, but not pushing myself too hard that it wears me out so much i'm bed ridden for the next few days.
Overall, I'm really happy at the moment, no one knows what the future holds, which is scary, but also exciting at the same time, but it means we need to make the most of the great things in life that we are lucky to have. 
I have the most amazing family & friends, i may struggle to do simple things that others can do easily, but i still have my life, and a roof over my head, and unfortunately there's many people that don't even have that. 

This post has got a little bit deep, but it's what i've been thinking about a lot recently. I'm not sure if there's even a point to this post, but thank you so much for reading, I hope everyone is well. 
I'll leave you with a few of the lovely pictures I took from my walk today!